The Fight

The topic of true love comes up a little here and there when talking the adoption talk, people have been curious about whether or not it’s possible to love, truly love an adopted child. A child without matching DNA, without the 9 months of pregnancy, without an actual biological connection, a child that looks nothing like you, that already has a mother? Legit concerns, absolutely but am I worried about it? The absolute, honest to goodness truth is, no.

Maybe I’m over confident in my ability to love a stranger, maybe it’s because I never cared much about DNA, maybe it’s because I have waited so long for this, maybe it’s because I always wanted to adopt, maybe it’s that I have only met 1 child in almost 15 years that I wasn’t in love with in 30 seconds, and I have known and worked with many kids over the years! Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t say I don’t have concerns about bonding, I never said I don’t worry about RAD, I am terrified she will not be able to love, trust or heal, I have spent years going to trainings and reading books, taking classes and I am prepared for the worst, I have plans. I just don’t have worries about me actually loving her.

I stole the next paragraph from the fabulous Jen Hatmaker  about the good part of the waiting for your kiddo phase, the upside.

Here is the upside: This is the stage you realize God can put a vicious fight in you for a kid without your blood coursing through his veins. Those early doubts about loving a child without the helpful instincts of biology are put to rest. Of course, you don’t know this kid yet, but you love him in your heart, in your bones. You’ll fight like hell to get to him. You can’t think of anything else. You are obsessed. You dream about him like you did when you were pregnant. You realize that when God said He sets the lonely in families, He meant it, and He doesn’t just transform the “lonely” but also the “families.” He changes us for one another. God can create a family across countries, beyond genetics, through impossible circumstances, and past reason.

I love her though we share no DNA, though another woman’s blood courses through her veins, though I haven’t met her yet,  I will fight like hell to get to her, I am fighting like hell to get her here, I feel the vicious fight in me, I am obsessed, I dream about her. I am not worried about falling in love with her, you know for reals, because I am, I already am.

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