Thankful-Days 28 29 & 30

28-I am so thankful to be able to sit in complete silence tonight. Usually I’ll make a huge list of things to do before leaving work Wed evenings with every intention of doing them but when I get home I might not even take off my jacket before melting into my couch. I usually work Sunday mornings at 5 15a until Wed evenings at 5 30p straight. Then Wednesday’s I have weight watchers so don’t get home until around 7. I usually end up sitting in the dark silence for a couple of hours.

Tonight, I only work until 5p and no weight watchers for me. I also didn’t work until Monday morning at 5 45a instead of Sunday because of the holiday. I have a little more energy than I normally would so I am going to actually do a couple of things around the house but then I am going to make time to sit there is the dark and quiet and just be. Maybe I sound like a loon but I loooooooooooooooove the silence.

29-I am thankful that people are starting to pay attention to the M23’s and the situation in Congo. Maybe the world’s in a different space and can make some room to care about Congo in a way we haven’t before. Here’s hoping and praying and crossing my fingers for that.

30-I am thankful that today has gotten better and better as it’s gone on. I woke up in a foul mood! I haven’t slept much since Congo crisis nightmares fill my head the past 10 days or so. I have always been an insomniac but this week I’m not handling the very little sleep very well at all. I have been extremely tired and grumpy, I’ve been out of my thyroid meds which just makes it worse, I STILL haven’t passed court after 17 weeks.There are about 764 reasons I was foul. My first thoughts were to call in sick, take a bath and drink some cocktails immediately, then nap, then I could go re-pierce my nose and waste money on a new tat and some new clothes, maybe go out to lunch with a friend, maybe go to a movie, just be irresponsible and lazy and not think about anyone or anything but me. But then I picked up my phone to shut off my alarm and H’s sad little face and skinny little legs stared back up at me.  I am still sometimes so guilty of being an ass. Who cares if I am tired and only had like 10 days off this whole year, who cares if I haven’t gotten to shop for myself in a long time, who cares if I am bored without my friends. I am not hungry, I am not sick, I am not living through a war, I am not lonely, I am not sleeping on a mat on the floor with 10 other people.

While I was getting ready for work I was thinking about how crazy it is that every couple of weeks there is some new kind of adoption wienie, whinnie, wimpie thing I do for a day or two.  Maybe it’s to give me a surge of new energy when the pity party is over, not sure. The brain (maybe just mine but I doubt it) is such a fascinating and frustrating place to dig into. It’s funny how a feeling, a sight, a sound, a smell can make you forget lessons you’ve already learned and then just as quick, remember them again. OY!  I decided today that I am grateful for every chance I get to become a better person. I know selfish, petty thoughts and actions are a part of being imperfect, a part of being human but I also know that today will be full of chances to do better.

There has also been less daycare kids than usual, pizza for lunch and a concert with one of my girls tonight. I am glad I decided to get out of bed and o today right. Love it!!!!

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