199

199 days ago I saw H’s lovely sweet face for the first time. 199 days ago I felt this sense of relief, I took the first deep breath I’ve taken in 3 years. I cried my first cry of adoption excitement and I fell in love for the first time with someone I’d never met before. I also for the first time started to completely loose my grip on reality realize what it meant to wait. Wow, I knew nothing of these tortures before. I know it’s obvious and has been over stated but post referral wait is def the worst. FOREREALZ!!!!!!!!!!!

Things are a bit better in Congo right now, rebel troops have finally pulled out of Goma. People are scared though, the M23’s wait in the hills only miles away. The Congolese people will continue to live in a state of uncertainty and anxiety until something eventually does erupt. The news that the rebels aren’t going to continue to Kinshasa helps me feel a teeny tiny bit less stressed about H but more heartbroken for the people of Congo! No end of terror in sight and there is so little the actual population can do about any of it. I hate to fly and I’m not a big fan of armed and violent rebel soldiers, I don’t care for corrupt and unjust governments but I have wanted nothing more in the last couple of weeks than to get on a plane and travel the 30 hours into complete chaos. I have wanted to just go to get her (and as many others as I could fit into my suitcase) and run like hell outta there without looking  back, the better part of me has wanted to live there and do whatever I can to help.

Maybe it’s a good thing that I have to wait to go because these options really would never work in reality.

I was hoping that because tomorrow marks 200 days something awesome like passing court would happen. I am not banking on it or trying to let my daydreams get away with me but I am going to spend most of my day tomorrow praying about it. I need this kid home.

I have spent the past 199 days preparing, waiting, praying, imagining, wishing, hoping, believing and memorizing every single line in her face, the hairs on her head, the shape of her bones, the way she holds her hands to her sides and curls them up, the way she stands, all the marks and bruises on her legs, her feet, the way her knees look.

Maybe tomorrow you could pray with me, pray that she passes court soon so that before the next 199 days passes she will be home.

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