What’s going on?

Just a couple of updates, I want to tell those sweet peeps that have already sent some crocs my way thanks so much. Those of you that are thinking about it, send me an e-mail and I will send you my address.

I am still waiting on court documents to be translated to English so I can file my I-600. As soon as I get them I will drop everything to get it done, seriously, and then sit and wait some more.

I am in the middle of updating my HS and I had my physical today. I went in there intending to remain cool, calm and collected. I was gonna own this, be boss, take care of business but instead, I was in there actin’ a fool from start to finish.  I don’t know about you other adopting mammas but I am a hot mess every time I have to ask for permission to adopt, even though I’ve done it well, this is my 5th time. I am nervous about every home visit,  every criminal background check, every piece of paperwork I apply for, every petition and of course every physical. All the terrible potential tragic endings to this story play out in my mind during these times. Maybe I’ll have a secret assault charge I never knew about, maybe my house will explode right now with this social worker in it. O she will notice that my neighbor is naked in his kitchen making breakfast and not let me have a child in this naked hood, this will never work, it will never happen. It’s exhausting.

So today I went in there trying to fight off thoughts like what if I have cancer? What if I have a strange quick progressing memory loss that will cause me to forget everything in less than a year? What if I contracted crabs somehow? Lice? Heart attack, what if I have a heart attack right here in this office? What if they say I’m too fat to adopt? Too crazy? What if I find out tha I have TB or HIV? What will I do? What if my eyesight is going to crap and soon I won’t be able to see? Hearing? Of course my heart rate was through the roof and I started hyperventilating. All I wanted to do was breath into a brown paper bag. I had never been THIS nervous at the doctor before, even my other homestudy physicals weren’t this crazy. When I was getting my blood pressure taken I was so nervous about being nervous I started having an anxiety attack!! Never happened before, in fact besides adoption stuff I am not even an anxious person. Well ok, except about airplanes and being in boats driven by people who think going in circles until your boat is on it’s side and jumps out of the water every time it hits a wave is a riot. The nurse, bless her, was trying to keep me calm while we waited for the MD. Every question she asked I forgot the answer to, have you ever been hospitalized? No, wait, what was the question, yes. Ugh. Finally after completing the exam it was time for shots, a mantoux and a blood draw. They couldn’t get any blood but no one knew that until 5 needle sticks in. There was poking and prodding and a gathering of flobotomy friends and new needles and tiny needles and suction and talking about blood and veins and then I just passed out. Never passed out before today but just couldn’t deal I guess. I came to drinking apple juice and getting a rub down by a very kind nurse. Hoping when I go back on Wed for the redo they can get more than a drop of blood! I also hope the whole gang isn’t assembled for the show.

On to something exciting, I should be getting some pics of Harper soon.  It really is pretty ridiculous how beautiful that girl is.