Last year on May 19th, I got up and went to work like any other day. I was excited about going to my amazing friend Tina’s wedding shower later that afternoon : ) Adoptionally I was depressed because my agency OWAS was not feeling like a good match and I couldn’t decide on another, I was holding off sending in my dossier because I didn’t want to lose large payment that went with it if I switched. I didn’t want to pay it until I was sure I wanted to stay. A referral seemed so far away.
That morning at work I checked the rainboskids site to stare at sweet waiting child faces from Africa, there was a beautiful 2-year-old on there. I emailed about her to find out she was matched and that started a serious of emails between me and the agency contact that led to Harper and me signing an agency agreement and acceptance agreement. I still remember calling people and showing people her picture like it was 3 days ago : ) Happy Referral Day.
Without corruption she could have been home by the 1st of the year and now without the new embassy process she could have been home by June 1. But there IS corruption and there IS a new embassy investigation process to attempt to safe guard against child trafficking. These are the realities of international adoption. It is BIG business sending BIG money into the hands of those who would not otherwise not it. Desperation can bring out the greedy and corrupt in otherwise honest people. I understand these set backs but I don’t like them. She could have been home by now.
Every day for the last 365 days I have thought about H, almost all day each of those days. Everyday for the last 365 days I have worried and prayed for a child that is in the process of wasting away from starvation and sickness with absolutely no way of checking in on her until recently. I have worried and waited for this beautiful girl since she was 3 and she will be 5 next week. I have loved her in my heart, dying to do it in person for 365 days. For 365 nights I have stayed awake thinking and dreaming of her. I have been tired and bad at my job for 365 mornings. I have been bad at life for all of those days. I have cried and rejoiced and danced and gotten angry and depressed each one of those days as well. She could have been home by now.
Today, though it may seem like it, I don’t feel sad about these past 365 days. I feel like the bulk is behind me and never will I have to wait 365 days with almost no news, no movement again. It is down to the final step and though I am worried about the embassy investigation taking a long time or even worse, proving that she in fact is not an orphan, this is the end of the wait for Harper. This makes my weary waiting heart so happy.
For 365 days I have grown more and more committed to loving this little girl forever. I have been becoming her mommy without her even being aware of it until maybe a month ago. I am grateful to God for giving me the 365 day head start so I will be more ready to help her catch up.
I am praying and hoping and wishing for the next 365 days to bring joy and beautiful chaos to her and I. To bring new experience and opportunity to us. I pray for speed in the coming weeks for the embassy and for peace and strength for whatever the investigation turns up. Goodbye to you, 365 days in waiting,