Now what?

Apparently friends, I have nothing good to say lately, maybe I never did but for sure lately the mind is empty. No fb updates, no comments, no blog posts, no love notes to Harper, nada.

It’s strange really, I don’t even really stare at Harper’s picture anymore. Of course I see it and look at it but I don’t purposely pull it out anymore and stare longingly into her beautiful amazing face. I am pretty sure my mind has tucked her safely away into my “make-believe” closet right along side my fat bank account, skinny runner body, husband, 6 adopted kids, my job as a supreme court justice and my perfect vision (yes, it’s crowded in there). A means of self-preservation, sanity saving and anti continual heartbreak I’m sure. A sweet disconnect or complete vacancy? I am watching other families torn up about things that yanked my heart out weeks ago that I now have given little thought too. Does this make me a bad adoptive mama? Is this normal? Is this just because there is nothing to report? Does this mean I’m not really ready for her? Not sure but I do know that I don’t even feel worried or stressed about those things either. What a strange sense of calm and quiet. Maybe the quiet before the storm? We’ll see I guess : )

I hope you all have a fabulous weekend. I’ll be remodeling a bathroom with my dad which honestly is fun, my favorite time to hang out with him is when there are saws and drills and work to be done.

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Now what?

  1. grandmaval says:

    Your brain has put in in self-protective mode, mine does that a lot as a means to survive. Also, before birth I always had calm before the storm. Love you, Val

  2. lzook says:

    I too understand this weird blahz-ay feeling…I just have been afraid to voice it for fear that I will look like a bad mommy. (I know that is not true because we are fighting for our children with everything in us!) Thanks for being honest! You are not alone.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s