Apparently friends, I have nothing good to say lately, maybe I never did but for sure lately the mind is empty. No fb updates, no comments, no blog posts, no love notes to Harper, nada.
It’s strange really, I don’t even really stare at Harper’s picture anymore. Of course I see it and look at it but I don’t purposely pull it out anymore and stare longingly into her beautiful amazing face. I am pretty sure my mind has tucked her safely away into my “make-believe” closet right along side my fat bank account, skinny runner body, husband, 6 adopted kids, my job as a supreme court justice and my perfect vision (yes, it’s crowded in there). A means of self-preservation, sanity saving and anti continual heartbreak I’m sure. A sweet disconnect or complete vacancy? I am watching other families torn up about things that yanked my heart out weeks ago that I now have given little thought too. Does this make me a bad adoptive mama? Is this normal? Is this just because there is nothing to report? Does this mean I’m not really ready for her? Not sure but I do know that I don’t even feel worried or stressed about those things either. What a strange sense of calm and quiet. Maybe the quiet before the storm? We’ll see I guess : )
I hope you all have a fabulous weekend. I’ll be remodeling a bathroom with my dad which honestly is fun, my favorite time to hang out with him is when there are saws and drills and work to be done.