This time in Africa-the comments and the reply

I received this comment after my post last week.

How awesome that you’re not letting massive corruption/human trafficking for the purpose of international adoption in DRC get in the way of you purchasing a Congolese child!

Not rumors of corruption, actual corruption so awful the State Dept issued multiple warnings about it (forged paperwork for Boudreaux letters and exit permit paperwork), starting in 2011!

Did you somehow miss the 48 Hours episode about corruption in DRC adoptions?

Clearly you don’t care. The fact that the DRC is among the poorest countries on earth with a barely functional government, little reliable electricity and next to nothing in the way of social services… yet you trust that very DRC social services agency to be capable of verifying if a given kid truly needs a new foreign family.

You simply don’t care. You’re happy to purchase the kid of your dreams. I have no idea how you sleep at night.

Ps go check out mommydaze.blogspot.com — she got the adorable Congolese girl of her dreams home and exactly what she deserved

I wasn’t going to acknowledge this comment. I wasn’t going to give this person the public space they wanted to say untrue and potentially damaging things about Congolese adoption. I definitely did not want to engage in a debate or any kind of conversation with someone who is willing to make these assumptions about me however I received the following comment after posting yesterday. From a different email but I suspect the same person.

I’m appalled that despite allllll the fraud and corruption and baby buying… you’re still on track to adopt a Congolese kid. You want the kid sooooo badly, you don’t actually care if she’s been kidnapped. Or trafficked. Or has family that would be raising her had you not felt the need to spend upwards of $35k purchasing her.

You’re excited about the acquisition. I’ll be praying the exit permit ban is NEVER lifted. That the little girl stays in her country where she belongs and that your agency keeps ALL your money so you can never, ever buy a kid again.

I replied and I replied under the assumption that these comments were left by the same person based on tone and writing style. Obviously I realize there can be more than one person sharing this opinion and that is the reason I have chosen to reply.

Thank you for your comments on my most recent blog posts. I have debated whether or not to respond as I do not wish to debate adoption ethics or my own adoption process with you. I also cannot speak for everyone adopting from Congo but I decided I needed to at least clarify a few things. 
 
First,  I do know my daughter is an orphan. I too am very concerned about the ethics of MY adoption and adoption in general. Please do not assume that because I haven’t disclosed the private details of her case on the world-wide web that I have been callous or complacent. It would be a mistake for you to assume anything about any adoption, there are plenty of people in process, living this everyday, that are just as concerned, if not more concerned about ethics than you. 
 
I did see the 48 Hours special about the one corrupt adoption agency and lawyer. It was devastating to watch because so many children being placed by that agency are in fact legitimate orphans and in need of a forever home. Now they are having to wait much longer to make it into those waiting families.
 
You mentioned the state department alerts and yes, I have seen them and I am actually in contact with them regularly via email and phone calls about specific details in my case. I am glad to hear you are keeping up with them as well! So important to stay informed. 
 
I am aware of the issues facing the Congolese people, some of which you mentioned in your comment. The list of hardships is endless for so many. Some people are barely surviving. Some of my very dear friends are Congolese and it can be very frustrating and even excruciating at times to watch their struggles. 
 
I chose to adopt from Congo for some of these exact reasons. In doing my research and working closely with organizations that work to sustain families and care for orphans I have become educated and I do care.
 
You asked how I can sleep at night? Truth is, I don’t. My daughter has been gravely ill and I worry for her safety every minute of every single day. I worry about the street kids I have met first hand and the children living in orphanages waiting for a family that is never coming. I worry about the state of Congolese adoption, as you mentioned we are talking about one of the poorest countries on this earth. A country where orphans age out at 14 and are left with nothing and no one to sleep on the streets. A country where there is constant civil unrest and violence toward women and children is unimaginable. I don’t sleep.
 
Bringing my daughter home will not be the end of this journey. It is only the beginning and it is when the hard work begins. Parenting a hurt child is extremely difficult and it can take a very long time to help these precious children heal, if they can at all. Someone out to purchase a child or in it for the acquisition does not sign up for the work that adoption entails.
 
The exit permit suspension is just adding to any other hardships, especially for our most vulnerable children. Without the income orphanages receive from adoptions children who once got a meal a day are waiting 2-3 days between meals. Babies are very literally  starving to death. Orphanages are also in desperate need of  diapers, clothes, shoes, medial supplies and medical care for sick children because people are not traveling at the rate they were before. A difficult situation has become impossible. There are children ready to come home, with visas and still waiting, children considered  medically fragile and in need of medical attention.  
 
What would happen to the millions of legitimate orphans in DRC if adoption were closed to foreign families? Adoption breeds organizations committed to orphan care and keeping biological families in tact. I personally know of a dozen or so organizations started by adoptive parents that would not have been had these beautiful people not been there and seen these children and these circumstances for themselves. Organizations that are employing Congolese people to be their leaders, voices and hands in county. The Congolese people have been forgotten by so much of the world and their own government. Proud and beautiful, hard-working and kind, I won’t forget them. There are brighter days ahead for children in Congo, there are solutions. Though it is just a small part, adoption IS a part of that. 
 
I truly hope that the changes being made to Congolese adoption right now help to ensure that greedy and unethical lawyers and agencies do not bankroll off of families suffering. Child trafficking and kidnapping are a parent’s worst nightmare, biological or adoptive. 
 
Thank you again for your comments  and for the crusade you seem to be on regarding ethical Congolese adoptions. In the future please keep in mind that to help make a real change there are organizations out there that would love to hear your concerns and give you a place to voice them in a productive and less condescending way. 
 
Regards;
 
 
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4 Responses to This time in Africa-the comments and the reply

  1. Deena says:

    WOOT!! You go girl!!

  2. Angela says:

    Wow! You answered that in a way nicer way than I ever could have. As a fellow adoptive mother of a beautiful Congolese baby, I am praying for you and all of DRC!

  3. Evan says:

    I’m pretty sure this same person has been after me as well ever since I posted that I will be visiting my kids soon. You handled her hate with such grace! I would not have, so I just pushed DELETE. It always amazes me how so many people spread hate toward adoption in a quest to save the children from all us rich culture stealing Americans and yet fail to see that they are actually doing more harm than good with all their assumptions. I’ll be praying for you that you can be forever united with your little gal soon. I also continue to pray that God will work in the hearts of so many anti adoption peeps. May they see that we Christians are in fact all adopted into Christ. Adoption done right is beautiful!

  4. jenny says:

    WELL SAID!!!!!!!

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